the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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