What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
