it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
