the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it's like iHOP with fire
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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