We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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