Can i not drive my cunt home
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
