so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
