3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
