Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
