This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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