For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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