Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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