I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
