you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
