i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this will be a night to untag.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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