between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
