fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
