it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
