There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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