im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
