$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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