you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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