I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
