he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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