dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
