I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
