I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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