I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
