Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
