I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
