God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
