I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
