I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
