I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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