i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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