you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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