i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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