Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
