White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
