I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
