Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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