if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't notice because vodka
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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