come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
