Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
