What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
