so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
