If that was your dad, he is hot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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