it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Boobs are out for the taking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
