are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
