Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
