oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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