And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
