I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
