I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
