thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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