the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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