hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my being single is dangerous.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
