Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize